She's in the peak of youth, but she's unsatisfied with what she has/she is right now. She's not asking for too much, it's just that there's more in life that she has yet to unravel. ______ ♥♥♥
I have learnt to let go. And I have learnt to treasure what/who I should. I have learnt to be thankful of the things/people around me. And I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason.
I believe that when I give, I gain more in return. May not be in the same form, but the value is higher.
I believe that my personality is made this way so that I can take the challenge to change myself for the better. And I believe that my future is as bright as the light at the end of the tunnel. I believe that I deserve the best.
We are all made different. But our differences make us equal. It's fair.
So don't ever be discontent. Because what I have may be what you lack of. But what I don't have may be the thing that you have, and yet you are not cherishing it?
Here's a really inspiring poem written by Jason Lehman when he was 14.
Present Tense by Jason Lehman
It was spring, but it was summer I wanted, The warm days, and the great outdoors.
It was summer, but it was fall I wanted, The colorful leaves, and the cool, dry air.
It was fall, but it was winter I wanted, The beautiful snow, and the joy of the holiday season.
It was winter, but it was spring I wanted, The warmth and the blossoming of nature.
I was a child, but it was adulthood I wanted, The freedom and respect.
I was 20, but it was 30 I wanted, To be mature, and sophisticated.
I was middle-aged, but it was 20 I wanted, The youth and the free spirit.
I was retired, but it was middle-age I wanted, The presence of mind without limitations.
I'm never gonna know what kind of life the people sitting beside me on a train is leading.
But by the things that they are saying, by the clothes that they are wearing, the book they are reading, the bag they are carrying, and all sorts of ensembles, somehow already depicts half the personality of that person.
What's the meaning of that expressionless stare from the person opposite of you?
Never gonna know.
We may have met today and 2 years later, we meet again but have totally no recognition that you sat opposite of me 2 years ago, and were staring at me.
Maybe now it'll be my turn to be staring at you out of no reason at all.
I'm never gonna know who I will become, although I have a direction as to who I wanna become.
Who's that person that you are talking on the phone to? I wanna know. What does that gesture mean? What's on your mind? You looked troubled, what happened? All those that are none of my business, I'm just so curious to know.
For me, I'm in the process of accepting this particular person's flaws. Here, I shall make this person a female.
"One of a kind" is just a nice way to describe her. "Attitude problem" and "bitch" are some other ways to say about her. She can make me fly, and subsequently push me so the ground. It has happened so many times that, now whenever she do something nice, I will most undoubtedly doubt her. Hidden motives and all about what benefits her the most.
That's a great strategy for survival. But it won't get you a lasting friendship. The moment I have decided to open myself to you, you immediately made me rethink about my wrong decision.
Which is why, up till now, I still can't be natural in front you. How can I be 100% real and naked in front of a pretentious person.
What are you trying to prove? You didn't say to me straight in the face, but I can tell that you are constantly trying to prove to me that you are just better than me. In intelligence, family, lover, appearance, and simply everything.
What's the point? Push me down and bring yourself up.
1) I can't seem to be able to stop embarrassing myself anywhere.
2) Slow paced songs can really make your mind go on and on.
3) It's really nice to have someone to confide in when you really really need it.
4) I'm on mrt now. My pee is coming out.
5) I wanna buy a pair of sandals and a pair of leather shoe.
6) I wanna be a famous and great designer.
7) My confidence fluctuates tremendously and I need to stabilize it at some high point.
8) Am I not good enough?
9) What's the image of me in people's point of view?
10) Haiyo why do I care so much.
11) I really envy those pretty models, idols and actresses.
12) Are my strengths able to make up for my flaws?
13) Self-discipline please Yuxuan.
14) Do you believe that every person already has their fate path out right when they were born, or is it a chain of right and wrong choices made by themselves? Maybe that series of choices are already planned out for you to just go through the process and eventually your life ends after that.
15) I feel sorry for ugly people. For how they look only. Not being sarcastic.
16) Why can't I go Bangkok this month? I wanna go there so so badly.
17) I feel intimidated sometimes. When I'm with certain people.
18) I wanna have all the things that I want in this world or in other worlds. You'll never know whether there is really only one world in this entire world.
19) I imagine myself as some roles in some shows sometimes.
20) How will I look, who will I become?
21) It's painful to regret when everything is too late. One experience is enough to make you remember for a lifetime.
Some things that happened to me recently made me thought about the people around me.
And I have come to a conclusion that, there are times when we meet people and we just clique so well for the first time, and certain times, we just don't get along, but pretended to be.
It's okay to blog about this, because the person whom I'm referring to, is the least expected person to view this here.
Anyway, initially, I thought it was just PMS or something. Or this little fella is just one person with great attitude problem. Haha, the "attitude problem" part is true though. And times after times, this fella is hurting people with words that are so personal. And it really really hurts like, it made me question myself whether this person is really my friend or not?
"Only wounded dog bites."
True?
Maybe some saddening past invaded the mind of that once innocent child?
Some people may look at it sympathetically. For me, I just choose to avoid it.
Mind you, I am not escaping. I have the freedom to choose who I want to be with and who I don't. Some people just don't deserve my precious time. 残念だ。君の事は関係ない。
If being with you makes me happy, hell yes I'll stay with you. If not, either you change, or I leave.
When you are met with challenges, and they are hard to manage on your own, it kinda makes things easier when you turn to someone to confide in. Provided that he/she is in favour of your decisions.
It sounds kinda lame, but it really works for me.
You can't force every lumps of anger or sadness into you everytime. Cos sooner or later, you'll explode and collapse.
That kind of support are mainly words of encouragement.
Telling you not to give up easily even when you are met with difficulties.
Telling you to pursue on what you really really love to do even knowing that the journey is gonna be tough.
Telling you that the problems you are facing now are nothing compared to your big dream.
And telling you that whenever you feel troubled, you can always look for them.
People like them are hard to come by.
Because not everyone likes to share problems with other people, or likes to hear about problems of other people.
And it really charges me up when my confidence returns.
There will always be people who would say nasty things about you to crush you from within.
And all you have to do is to learn to ignore.
Only take in all positivity, and believe in them.
Because who knows what will happen when you've decided to take a leap of faith?
I get this suffocation pretty often these days. And you kept saying that it was just me. Which means to say, you ain't wrong at all?
I voiced out time and time again, and I get the same old objection again and again.
You want me to let go? Are you testing my limits? Because I'm gonna blow up soon. The anger and irritation inside of me are reaching their tip. And I can hardly tolerate this bullshit and your stupid pigs and dogs any longer.
How can I let you understand the seriousness of this issue to me?
I am so damn fucking pissed!!!!!!!
Sometimes I really wanna get up and rebel you know?
But when I thought about the result that I might get, I begin to feel so hopeless.
It's like, I am suffering, and you are fucking enjoying.
I know, it's not like you cheated on me or whatsoever, but it still concerns about my future.
What have you become? Bluffing your way through life? I really don't know whether I should continue believing in you or not. It's infuriating and agonizing at the same time. But what can I do? What did I get in return whenever I voiced out? Your excuses? Your limitations to me?
I don't know whether I should endure and continue hoping for a miracle, or whether I should... I can't even think about an alternative solution.
It is that simple feeling of assurance that I need from you now.
